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Saturday, November 13, 2004

Yes, we have no bananas

Nor, yet, any internet service.

I have however, rented out the condo (so will not be selling) and pending the positive results of my TB test, will be working contract for two months with the hospital as a tech.

Yup, my tuberculosis test. Strange but true.

Matt was here all week and so I have not been (in case you didn't notice) and as he is now on his way back to the mainland and then, tomorrow, to Anchorage, Alaska - then I shall be in and out a little more often.

Hopefully.

Once I start work, if I don't have internet access at home then I doubt I'll be here except on weekends for a long while.

I've got a week off in December to spend with himself before he goes home to Aus and even though I am still broke and things are only falling into place slowly, I am glad I'm here because of the time I've gotten to spend with him. Which will make it worse when he leaves.

And maybe even harder depending on what his decision regarding us turns out to be.

Which I'm refusing to think about. Mainly because it is his decision and there isn't a damn thing I can do to make a difference in what it'll be. Because of course, he figures the problem with our relationship (besides being the most incredibly perfect thing either of us has ever experienced) is not that I'm too old but that he's too young.

What I think he means by this is that he wants to travel, he wants this, and that and the other thing and for some reason believes that this (or any) relationship falls under some subheading that makes those things no longer possible. Which makes no sense at all because we want the same things, we're so in sync it's actually quite icky. Our beliefs, our actions. We co-exist together as two parts of a balanced whole.

Maybe he only thinks he's too young, maybe it's that he just can't fathom not finding this type of relationship again (whereas I know how rare it is), maybe what he thinks of as 'young' is age based and not who he actually is or any of 800 other specific and personal reasons I have no way to understand.

Will he figure this all out in the next three and a half weeks? I doubt it. Will he find the answer he needs to find? Doubt that too. Where will that leave us? I don't know.

All I can do is keep working towards my own goal and hope that he decides that I'm to be a part of his. And so that is what I'm going to do.

I'll have pictures in this week of the fifth wheel as 'Jenhome' but for right now, I am going to stop babbling on and go read a book because this isn't coming out very eloquently at all.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Something normal, something new, something NOT

Spoke to someone today who's offering to buy the condo. Since it hasn't rented and I've just cashed in an RRSP (which admittedly wasn't much in the first place) to pay the mortgage on Friday - I'm thinking it's time to offload and give up on the idea of owning a home I don't live in. Then I could buy a car and actually go somewhere.

I've just got to check some stuff out and get back to him with a price and then we negotiate, or not and then he takes it, or not.

I am just now stopping by to pick up some laundrey before heading home to utterly and completely fuck up....I mean... make for the first time some salad rolls for dinner for the boy and I. Cause I feel like something light and MOOSEburgers are on the menu for tomorrow.

Yup. Moose. Also, MaJen dropped off some moose stew today. I don't believe I've ever had moose and Matt likes to try 'exotic foreign animals'.

I guess this means I have to eat large hairy spiders when I get to Australia.

There are a lot of ways to tell you are back on the island (some of which I will get into later) but near the top of the list is people dropping off moose meat.

Although, it is far down the list from your 72 year old mother dropping off some sort of illegal (although sortof but nottotally in BC) drugs for you. Unasked. To someone who doesn't really partake in them.

And even if she did, wouldn't be inhaling. Just so you know.

But, really, how entirely weird/creepy is that?