Saturday, September 18, 2004
I Seriously Just Can't Come Up With Titles Lately.
I have had a busy day. I did much more than I thought I would whilst my brand-spanking new bottle of 30-30 Anejo sipping tequila squatted innocently in the corner. Taunting me.Okay, I kid. It stopped with the come-ons after I buried it under a mound of clothes in the bedroom. I almost fell for this one though.... “I’ll do anything to lick the polish off of your toenails.” But only cause it caught me off guard.
Although I have mentioned this before, many many moons ago, I am resurrecting it because it dovetails nicely with something I found today.
But if you really love him and you're in this for life, isn't it time you married your pet?
Then once you come to the end of your long and happy life together, what else is there to do, really, but have their ashes remanufactured into a diamond?
I have to mention here - it's primarily a service for your human loved ones.
"What a pretty brooch you have there."
"Why thank you, it's Ed, he died last year. He is quite lovely, isn't he?"
Ewwwwww.
More snippets
In the 'you just broke my heart' category - they shot Bosco. I'm crushed. I had to watch it twice. I can't even talk about it.(wahoo! new season! ER! Third Watch!)
Oh and Boomtown crashed but they've resurrected one of my favorite guys for Medical Investigation.
Sadly, although I do not turn the TV during the summer, there's five or six shows I don't ever miss during the winter.
The 'bad timing' category - how could you get married during TV premiere week? Okay, I'm just kidding. Mostly.
The 'distant misty past' category - Van Halen are playing here in October. Which no longer makes me think, 'Jump', OU812 or 'gee, Eddie Van Halen's cute' but 'hey, little tequila, Sammy?". Bit sad, that.
That's all I got. I'm up too early and so I am leaving the house. I have a little Anejo of my own to pick up.
lyric at post:
..one two three
take my hand and come with me..
Friday, September 17, 2004
snippets
Folletti! See, this is what I miss when no one comments! I had no idea! I also have no idea what's going on with you as I haven't been to UVDFC or KAGville in ages. Good to see you, chickie. Drop me a line, if you've got a few minutes.In the "apparantly I am not as clear as I think I am category" - an email today....
How come I never understand what the hell you're talking about in your e-mails.... it always feels like I'm walking in part way thru a conversation...
Are you coming out here on the 23rd???
Are you in Ladysmith next Friday (the 24th)???
What does that mean, are you moving out here???
Did you talk to me about this before and I forgot or what???
And what ever happened to moving away and never seeing us again???
Or, maybe that should be the "everyone else just can't keep up with me" category.
In the "are ya mad?" category....
I would not be the least bit surprised if you decided to stay in Calgary for the winter. I also forgot to tell you the reason we are looking into something small is to try and keep the rent down under the $400.00 range.
Although, 'under $400' are the best money-related words I've heard in ages.
I have no more categories right now - I will come up with more later, I think because I have no stories today. Although I did buy the most gorgeously colored shawl on the way home to go with the white dress and to make me feel better about hauling 20 lbs of stuff 20 blocks in my backpack. Ouch...
lyric at post:
..I feel you
Your sun it shines
I feel you
Within my mind..
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Uh, can you give me a bigger paper gown please?
The DB told me today he thought I was quite a 'reserved' human being. I guess he's never seen me throw anything or match T2 profanity for profanity. I'm not sure how he's missed all that but it was a nice thing, albeit weird as all get out, to be thought of as someone who does not wear her emotions on her sleeve.I seem to be back on a more even keel though. It's hard to explain but there's this part of my brain that whispers "jusssst don't go. what you don't know won't hurt you." And so the few days before these yearly rolls-around-the-freezing-xray-table, I fight with myself. Back and forth. Forth and back. Up and down. A little more back and forth.
Freaking out a little the whole time. Like when you get pulled over and you KNOW you've done nothing wrong but you're immediately guilt-ridden and turning your last week over in your mind. You know?
Intellectually, I know it's not an option to just not show up but that little child inside of me who believes that confirmation is a death sentence - insists that if no one ever has the opportunity to say the words - then nothing will ever happen. Once I get in there and it's done, everything is fine. And I am back to being Jen. Because, then, it's too late to back out, innit? It's over. What will be will be but now there's no way I can avoid it.
Unless I never answer the phone again and move to Timbuktu.
For, Jen,also - I looked it up in my 'candle magick' book (it was a phase) and vanilla is ruled by Venus. So, really, not a bad way to go wrong.
As for the rest of the check-up, it has, once again, been confirmed that I am a freakishly healthy woman. Except for the weird things. No, really, I am.
Especially for someone who's abused her poor little self the way I have over the years. I am sure this assessment will be borne out by the routine blood tests - which, since I must fast for the cholesterol one - will not be done until next month.
Now, all there is left is the Monday morning phone call. Wheee.
And finding out if Canadian customs was having a good day or not. But that will be while I am off at the dreaded board meeting.
LFD quote of the day:
he: So this prescription might cause you not to have your period while you're on it.
me: Uh-huh.
he: Does that concern you at all?
me: I should be concerned about that, why, exactly?
he: Well....
me: Right then, I suppose that's a risk I'm willing to take. Can't they give stuff like this to everyone? Wouldn't that be a big business? Like that guy in town here who stops your period by scraping out your...
he: That's enough, I get your point.
me:Is he really busy? Do you know?
he:Jennnnn...
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
I Sit
Until I am moved into my own office (handily located in the farthest possible place from the people I work for) I sit in the 'production' area. Besides myself, there are two women and a man in this area. We sit close together. With no dividers. We affect each other on a daily basis.In fact, arriving at work at the regular time after hostessing a meeting at 7 am, the first thing that was said to me was.. "Are you in a better mood today?" By one of the people who fucked up my day yesterday. Up until then, the answer may actually have been "yes". Up until then....
This week, due to the problems we are all having with 'decision-making from higher-ups' as well as an overwhelming workload, my looming appointment, the man breaking his ankle in three places and well, other stuff we are all dealing with we have now had:: - - someone cry every day, a worker too stoned on painkillers to be effective and (because I'm not a public cryer) a 'thrower of things' - a couple of which actually hit people - and a string of swearing in the hallway (also me).
Violence is bad. This I know. It's the opposite end of the spectrum from when I used to quietly bitch to those around me like everyone else and then go home to spend the night further upsetting myself.
Lately, I've been working from the - fuck it - get it out - approach as I don't get really angry any more but there is some excess energy that needs to be dispersed to avoid self-torture later on.
Middle ground today was, after the swearing .... send an email that starts "I am quite upset that..." (which was nice and polite but came from a place in me that was saying... no matter how badly you are treated it doesn't give you the right to pass that along. Here is the work you needed and I am no longer putting in overtime on this project past what is required to save my ass. Because all the extra work I've been doing to help save your ass, just stopped. Sorry.)
Move on. Let it go. Go tan. Go home. And pet the cat that is making you sick.
And it's only Wednesday.
But, apart from the appointment in the morning (kill those chickens, kids), the waiting to see if M2 got a customs officer who was having a good day (throw in some incense and a candle), I won't be at work until noon. And on Friday, come hell or high water, I'm leaving at 12:30, like I'm supposed to.
I think the people with whom I sit are actually starting to believe themselves when they say, "So, we're just getting a postcard in a couple weeks, hey?" I wouldn't be surprised if there were two such postcards in the works.
Like any other storm though, this will blow over. Didn't I warn you that these two weeks would be nasty? They've just been made nastier to the power of ten, by work, is all. And the desire to just .get on with it now that the decision's been made.
Reigning Champion
For the second month (and we've only been playing for two), I am the reigning champion of the The Thesaurus Game. I have yet to lose.Which, really, isn't that hard when the word is "drink" and two of the other three people in the office have never even heard the word imbibe before.
Two minutes to defend my title. Candy from a baby.
lyric at post:
..scars are souvenirs you never lose
the past is never far..
Is it Only Wednesday?
Being in the office at 7 am after working until 10 last night was not my idea of a good time, however I did have the mostest bestest coolest idea for a gift, right after I woke up from dreaming I met Jen,also who was hanging out with Fiona Apple.Oh, the idea, though!! I could just kiss myself.
But I have to go back to work. I can't even stay to tell you how I managed to get my finger Krazy Glue'd to my chin at about midnight last night, except to say, it's really not suprising I really am that much of a klutz.
lyric at post:
..you know I've seen a lot of what the world can do..
Monday, September 13, 2004
Men Are Stupid
not all menjust every single one I encountered today
the men who fucked my entire week right up the ass
because their inability to make decisions, although reminded and asked and pleaded for the last three weeks due to my upcoming vacation, has now become a serious problem
my serious problem
let's add the substandard intelligence of the male cashier whom, upon seeing two women, one with short hair and one with long, immediately assumed we were a couple and even though the long haired one paid for the groceries - handed me the receipts and then winked at me
and let me just throw in the woman who during the tour of the apartment building for our visiting staff member (ie: the tenant), spoke only to me the entire time, you know, being the man and all
because I have absolutely no issues with anyone's sexuality but I do have serious fucking issues with ignorant, narrow-minded cliche-driven sub-human beings
... now that I feel marginally better - I am going to bed. Because I have only recently gotten home from work
considering the rest of my week and weekend will also be carbon copies of today don't take it personally if I'm not here
because I may only be here to yell and leave
but if anyone would like to send an email for a one-off guest post, I will gladly accept and post it
because after this week from hell, I am not touching a computer during my vacation unless forced to do so and will be gone until the 28th
I'll try and say something nice before I leave, but otherwise you shall have to amuse yourselves
thank you and good night
Must be Monday
Can I just say that anal retentive I-built-a-crap-database administrators are right at the top of my list of people to kill?Can I say that?
Or maybe I should just have a chat with the 'others'.... (via Blue Witch.)
You are a spirit witch. Many envy you because you
draw your power from within. A mix of all
resides within your vital spirit and makes you
what is called a "natural" witch.
Lucky you. Your powers of intuition are
extraordinary, you're intelligent, creative,
and beautiful but have a sense of mystery about
you. You have a tendency to stay invisible and
don't like a lot of attention. You have a
strong urge to travel and most likely have
already been further than most.
brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Sunday Pieces
I've walked the carpet shampooer the one block to the repair store - I'm pretty sure that the broken bit is whatever they don't cover under warranty. But, whatever, it did not require the begging of a ride from a friend, it shall come back fixed and I shall be able to shampoo the carpets. Which makes my anal self happy.Mr. Perpetually Sick and Helpless has moved from the bed to lay between the laptop and my face. One arm is looped through the strap of my tank top, all six toes curled and hanging on and his chin is resting on my arm. He doesn't look like he's planning on going anywhere soon.
I cannot move and it is hard to type.
But I have work brought home to complete and I am hungry.
My phone woke me at 4 am the other night, beeping softly on the shelf above my head to text a very welcome message from far away.
From someone who is missed. Tons. Heaps. Terribly.
But only for another 9 sleeps. One of which I went back to with a smile.
Walking Home
As I step outside, leaving work late, it feels like autumn. Walking. Dreaming. Realizing suddenly that summer is over and fall really is here. It is hard to tell these things sometimes in the inner city; there are no leaves falling, no shifting colors and so the changeover is subtle. You don't realize it is here until one night you walk the streets and feel the change. The crispness of the air you breathe, the chill, the heavy weight of fog; the smells of the end of a season and the beginning of a new one.Stopping for chai, I see a man reading in a corner - intent and handsome. Here, so close, I imagine I can feel the quiver of his aura, his breath upon my skin. I see the book he reads, of poetry, and imagine I can feel the words he reads in my own mind. I can feel how it moves him; how it touches his heart and speaks to his desires.
Instantly, intensely, I long to know his soul, to breathe it in and feel it course through me. To look upon the secrets of what he believes beauty to be and to walk among his memories as I walk the streets of the city. To step softly into a corner of his heart and curl up, briefly, to rest; before moving on once again.
I fight the urge to simply walk up to him and take his face in my hands. To kiss a stranger, to know the excitement of skin touching skin, to feel his lips on mine. To know him, through this imagined connection - to understand him.
Instead, I return to the street and the desires in my own heart.
Walking. Dreaming. Along my favorite streets, having felt alone in the day and appreciating the decision to walk amongst the evening crowds. Alone and yet surrounded by others. Walking. Dreaming. I slow near a busy restaurant, listening, and imagine that I can hear the hidden and internal dialogue of fantasies flashing in the minds of people inside. Fantasies so brief and without coherent thought they seem like tiny sparks arcing through the darkness, lighting my way past. Lighting the way towards home.
Reluctant to finish my journey so soon, a little farther along, I stop to eat at a small Italian place. A leisurely and satisfying meal, a drink with dinner, resting in public, close to others but lost in my own contemplation.
Done with my food, I push the plate away and lean back to study the tables around me as I finish my wine. I see friends catching up: reliving memories with laughter and smiles. Families: out for dinner together - tired parents and fidgety children. A table obviously uncomfortable - a father with a child that I imagine he sees only on weekends. I watch couples sway towards each other, and, made lonely by their intimacy, I clear the bill and step outside to continue on my way home.
Walking. Dreaming. Separate, as always, with my thoughts.
In autumn.
