Saturday, October 09, 2004
Quote of the Month
From Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman.I loved this. I read it to M2 last night. He didn't get it. Cause, unfortunately, my boyfriend was not born during those years. Because he is of a different generation than me. Which normally is so not an issue, in fact the only other time was when he said his parents had some of the same music as me. *shudder* Jeeeebus.
I'm assuming y'all figured this out by the pictures. Yanno, that he was younger. But, only in actual years. In fact, he may be one of the three most intellectually, spiritually and emotionally mature male persons I've ever met. And that's not something I say lightly.
lyric at post:
..I can be anything i put my mind to man,
all i gotta do is give myself half a chance
I can bring love back into my life
and share it with the world if I got some balance..
Missives from the Forest
From my landlady....so I will pick it up and give it to you. How's that sound? One thing I gotta tell you though, I am getting these rescue donkeys so they may be noisey..........
we'll all have a bit of ajusting to do. Hee Haw.. see ya
Strangely enough, I'm used to this as she trains border collies so back when we lived on the outskirts of town she had a little flock of geese she used for the dogs. I remember coming home from the bar pretty late (early) one night and laying there thinking, "Did I just hear a moo? Did Stef bring cows home? Nahhhh, she wouldn't do that, we pretty much live in a suburb." The next morning (afternoon) driven outside to investigate .... Oh noooo, she'd brought cows home.
It feels a bit strange to know that I'm moving out of the inner city after close to 10 years and back into farmland which is, strangely enough, about a mile and a half from the little farm I grew up on.
The downside there is that my exboyfriend/stalker/woman beater lives out there too and still has dealings with Stef so eventually that's going to be a problem. Hopefully we can hold off him finding out I'm back after all this time but....
An hour on the phone with Belinda last night, who is happy I'm coming back. She removed herself from all the high school people too and I am still her closest, and pretty much, only friend. Even though our contact is sporadic. I'm glad that I'm not leaving the country without getting to spend a little more time with her and the Lester, I would have been sad about that.
It's a little strange to try and explain to people that I won't be roaring into town, calling everyone up and proclaiming "Jenny's baaack!" (I'm going to have to get used to being called that again). In fact, after the voice message Tony:there left on my mail while I was out there, I had to call Ralphie and ask him not to say anything. (I should really get around to telling you guys about that. Sorry. It really requires nothing more than a transcript of the message so ..soon....)
I've never really been able to quite figure out how these things happen, how people just can't seem to let me go and then become so angry about it. I may be a 'love her or hate her' kind of girl and I guess I should be happy that there's more love there than hate but still...
I'm there for one reason, and one reason only, to hunker down and save all the money I can. The last thing I want to or even could do is slot myself back into being that person who left 10 years ago cause frankly, I left in a large part to kill that person, to face the things inside of me and work them out. I worked hard to do that and I'm not digging her back up now.
I didn't like her very much, not because she was mean - I don't think anyone would ever tell you I was a terrible person - but because she let everyone walk all over her and wound her in terrible ways. Then, at some point, her life became about hurting herself on the inside, before anyone else could. Those wounds are healed and now I understand why they never had the right to do that, how I gave them that right and how I ended up being the only one who suffered.
We become the person that people expect us to be and I had to go away for a long time to find a person who was strong enough to withstand those expectations. Because they still expect that girl they can hurt. The thing I think I'm most proud of is that I really have no need to prove to them that she no longer exists. I know. You know. The people who love me know. And we're the only ones that count.
Besides, she probably smells pretty bad by now, all that time dead and buried, you know.
This part of my life is about the future. The future I've always wanted and the future I can see within reach for the first time. The future I have worked so hard to see.
Friday, October 08, 2004
Link Scrub
Just finally going through the blogroll and cleaning it up. Anyone know where Ray went? Donna, promise to let me know if you start up again?tell you everything I've never had the courage to say?
From Londonmark's last(?) post.
The Debate Rages
Unbenownst to me, the request for the rest of the board to approve a garage sale at the building sparked off threes, nay, TENs of phone calls. Behind the scenes the telephone lines were burning up.Why, you ask? It's one day. It's a garage sale. Could anything be more harmless than that?
Apparantly not. And although I am on the board, having told you all before what a freakin' screaming meeming nightmare that is, this might give you some insight into just what I have meant by that.
"We'd be setting a precedent! Pretty soon everyone would be wanting to have garage sales and there'd be one every weekend!"
(Seriously, they actually said this to me. How many people in apartments even have enough stuff for a garage sale, I ask you? I'm having one because I am selling everything I own, fer riced shakes)
"Security! People could get into the building!"
(Okay, in the balcony's case - even though you can't get in or out without a key - I can sort of see this. But apparantly, it was also a big concern on the ground floor out in the open beside a 200 car parking lot and where the homeless sleep. Like a garage sale on public ground in proximity to the building is so enticing that hordes of people who probably walk by that very spot every day would suddenly have the urge to break in.)
"It'll drive the property value down!"
(ah, not like the homeless who sleep in the doorways and pee - and occasionally #2- down the side of the building? yeah, those garage sales, they're corruption, filth and decay personified)
And finally, "I know she said she wasn't selling any big things but what if she's got say, a sewing machine and someone pricks their finger on a needle and then sues us?"
(I can't even think of anything to say to this. It was so outrageously off the map of reality. I may have cried. I don't remember, you see, as I think my brain leaked out my ear at that point)
ANYWAY - the end result is that the commercial rep phoned me this morning to offer me his garage. He lives about three blocks away and is away the weekend I want to have it so we can go and set up the night before and then just lock everything up. He's got some stuff for me to sell too so I guess that covers a 'rental fee'.
Worked out pretty good for me I'd say. But, REALLY. Get a grip on yourselves, people.
Maybe the reason I'm so damned happy is nothing more than the realization that, after two and a half years in hell, I have attended my very last board meeting.
Hallelujah.
lyric at post:
..don't pay the ferryman
until he gets you to the other side..
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Adventures in the Culinary Arts
In the interests of 'using up what I have before I leave' and feeling a bit peckish, I decided to break open that bag of red & green popcorn kernels that Shari made for me last Christmas.So I made popcorn, the old way, in a pan, which I've never done. Guess what?
You're supposed to put a lid on it.
Cause otherwise you might come out of the bathroom to hot bits of flying oil and popcorn popping merrily all over the kitchen while the cat shrieks and hisses as he tries to protect his food bowl.
I only learn these things so I can pass my wisdom on to you.
*snort*
the joy of a long distance relationship
Girl: I haven't been able to figure out why I haven't tried to off you yet but it's either because you haven't started to bug me or you're just so damn sexy and interesting and cute and the belly is sort of wobbly and funny.Boy: So does this mean it is my turn to poke fun at your belly for a week? Tee hee hee. Poke poke. Tee hee hee. Poke. I like this game. Poke.
I'm sorry but I don't think that will ever NOT make me laugh.
gah. morning.
I've officially hit the state of 'unemployed sleeping habits'. Going to bed at 2 or 3 am and getting up at 11-ish. Going to bed so late is due in part to the simple fact that I'm wearing a nicotine patch (no cheating this time, thankyouverymuch) but instead of the usual 12 hours I'm actually wearing it for 24. Which, you know, helps with the cravings I suppose but unless you're a smoker who gets up every hour on the hour all night long, you end up with nicotine in your system when you normally wouldn't be gettin' a fix. Screws everything up.Although, since the cat still wakes me up for breakfast between 5:30 and 6:30 am, maybe I should just put it on then. Hmm. Will have to try that.
I woke up this morning to Bob Marley singing 'Is This Love' in my head. I can tell you the last time I heard that song - August long weekend last year. But, either the patch has ramped up my subconscious or because I'm moving back out west, my dreams began reviewing everyone, ever in my life the last week.
Then, Tony:here called to invite me to Thanksgiving dinner at his parent's cabin on the lake. Which rocks. I can't remember the last time I had a Thanksgiving dinner. Lacey and I just used to eat something completely outrageous as a treat for holidays and I don't celebrate any of them. Dave usually forces me out one day over Christmas and last year Shari had the two of us over for Christmas morning but hey, when you live alone and no one gets you presents, there just isn't much point, is there?
And the lake will be so absolutely beautiful because the cabins are right on the beach. Looking forward to that.
Today I have decided to put off the pleasure of peeing in a cup and instead continue sorting through my life and so I am off to do just that.
lyric in my head at post:
..I wanna love you and treat you right
I wanna love you every day and every night
We'll be together with a roof right over our heads
We'll share the shelter of my single bed..
lyric on the radio at post: (which makes me smile, much like you guys do)
..I could light the night up with my soul on fire
I could make the sun shine from pure desire
Let me feel that love come over me
Let me feel how strong it could be
Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love..
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
erm, s'cuse me?
I know I said I was good but me and the M2's emails are getting unmanageable and I've just realized I lose my three Shaw accounts in a few weeks.Could I trouble ya's out there for two more invites? Does one have to go directly to M2? How does that work? Help?
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Life is Strangely Empty Without Digital Cable TV
Guess what I sold today? Back to basics. No more "oh I missed ER at 8 pm but, no worries, LOOK it's on five other channels every hour till 1 am!" *sigh*And I know I have questions down there in the comments that I need to answer but it's been a slammin' busy day - all of it good. Which means I have a shitload of online assessments to do cause once they're in the temp people figure they'll have me working on Monday at the latest. And that's sort of important right now.
I went over to the store TWICE today to buy cigarettes. The first time I came back with a huge mofo chocolate bar and just now, a bag of carrots. I figure a chocolate bar every time I have a craving might be a bad thing.
So, until I have a little more time to compose my thoughts - the latest pics are up. I shall leave you with the most memorable quote of the evening from the wedding reception....
"Damn girl, you look gooood. If I had a dick, I'd fuck ya."
I never said my friends were cultured, did I?
Monday, October 04, 2004
But then again
Remember how I said on the 30th about, oh whatever, points three and four. Well, either I left it until I went out there or we dealt with it over email. Which I have been unwilling to do. But then it occurred to me - that's part of the reason we're in this position in the first place. And, oh wait, we both communicate very well in writing. And this is one part of my life that shouldn't be causing me any worry right now. And if it is, then it's the one thing I can try and do something about. So, I emailed. (wow, too many 'ands' there.)And then, a couple days later, there's that reply staring at you from your inbox. And you're not sure you can bring yourself to open it.
But you do.
And there's a thoughtful and carefully considered reply. As honest as all his dealings are. About why he saw those things and how he sees them now.
And although you are reminded on a daily basis how great this fella is, somehow he just manages to crank it up a notch or two to a whole new level.
And I haven't said a whole lot about him, I know and I probably won't start but there will be a little bit more because this is part of an email I got yesterday.
I have been thinking about the blog for a while now, and I have decided that I am not going to go in there any more.
It has taken me a while to realize the importance of the blog to you, and how I affect it. I have come to realize how it is an important tool for you to sort stuff out....it is your mirror to talk to, your ocean side cliff to shout from. It also took me a long time to appreciate how important some of your blog friends are to you and that this is your primary form of communication with them.
Knowing that I could be in there has to affect some of the things you write and that is entirely unfair. It is very selfish of me to think otherwise, and selfish to know that I am effecting this important space of yours and to still do it.
This is why I am now promising to not got in there any more....whether you choose to trust/beleive this promise is up to you. But there it is. I enjoyed reading the blog, I love your style, and I don't want to inhibit that.
See what I mean?
Just a day
Today was just a day. I met with the leasing people. Which would all be well and good except....(wait, cutting & pasting)....-Initial fee of 4% of total cost of lease ie: 1 yr @ 750 = 9000 which would be $360) except the minimum is $550.
-Then 6% of each month ($750 = $45) except the minimum is $90. Now, is that fair I ask? The little people get fucked there.
-$250 up front to pay for advertising.
-Plus a new $550 each year for a new lease.
I'm sure they're good at their jobs and all but, COME ON. Real nice ladies though.
So, I have Roy coming (someone we interviewed to manage the building) in the morning. His contract? 1/2 of the first month ($375) then $80 a month and no re-lease fee. I still pay for ads but whatever, actual cost, that's fair.
Keep your fingers crossed that we can rent it out in the next three weeks.
Man, this is a pain in the ass.
I hauled about 30 books to the book store - they took 25 of them - I made $18.50 plus the book over there to the left. I sold the entertainment unit for $30. So, not gonna pay the mortgage this way but.... still, it's something.
Interview tomorrow with another temp company. I still haven't gotten my blood tests. Maybe Wednesday for that as I have to fast for 12 hours. Mike on the island is contemplating coming out to get me and my things for cost which would save me renting a minivan and making M2 drive it here and back.
Tony:here sent out my list of sale things and I got quite a few responses so we'll see if they pan out.
And it doesn't look like the 'board' will collectively agree that I can hold my moving sale on the back patio. Even if I pay them a percentage. Well, only one of them got back to me but I can't vote and there's only two more residentials on the board. Won't know on that one for another week. But shit, how the hell do I sell everything else I own?
Can't even think about that dilemma right now.
I am going to complete my boybloggy task (find a country you've never heard of and find out what their money is worth compared to Canada's) and then read my book.
lyric at post:
..held up so high on such a breakable thread,
you were all the things I thought I knew..
Sunday, October 03, 2004
eep
Welp, just threw out my high school years. I'm not sure if this is getting easier or harder but Derrick, if you're still around reading this - I kept your letters but I tossed the sweatshirt. Cause you were funny. And I'm STILL having problems with 'chick'.I sent out a mass email listing all my large items for sale. I could actually be living under a blanket on the floor in a week. And I've had two "WTF?" calls. It doesn't matter that they're people I haven't talked to in a year, I'm supposed to keep them in the loop and have a party.
Apparantly.
Sylvain calls and says, "Well, I figured I should call right away because we know when Jen makes up her mind, she's gone and I thought you'd be leaving next week." HeeHee. Fuck it, I'm outta here.
Actually, I am moving the date up. Did I tell you guys the date? It was November 15th but now it's October 31st. As long as the leasing people can flog the condo for a November 1st rental date.
My abdominal aorta? ick, special k. ick.
lyric at post:
..her timing is quite unusual..
Wading through the muck
And I am holding in my little hand right now, a pay stub from Victoria, January 29th, 1994. Yup, 10 years ago.Who cares, you ask? So what? Have you finally lost your mind?
It is EIGHT dollars LESS than what I've been bringing home for the last six months.
lyric at post: ..back in the chain gang..
