Friday, August 20, 2004
away message
I awoke this morning to find that I'd gone completely blind.Fortunately, the Australian tourism commission - those nice people who send me emails every month asking me to visit - anticipated with impeccable timing my sad dilemna and delivered a seeing-eye delegate in the middle of the night.
I plan to take my lessons in navigation by other senses extremely seriously and so for the next couple of days I will not be HERE, but will be out THERE somewhere, touching and feeling my way errr.... around.
Good weekend all.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Incompetence
I am quite capable of being so incompetent by my very own self that it seriously pisses me off when the incompetence of other people negatively impacts my life.As much as I appreciate that almost the entire US branch of one of our offices may very well be fired on Monday (and deservedly so) I find it irritating that I, a mere secretary/babysitter/"executive assistant" can be expected to step in and fill the role of a Sr. Project Manager whose entire project (beginning MONDAY) has completely been mismanaged to shit. Although I appreciate the confidence. Really, I do. But I DO NOT want to bring myself up to speed and try to juggle and fix the myriad problems so far in play. From, what?, 4,000 miles away.
One, because you pay me about $20K less than you would for that position, that you've actually been paying to Miss. Epitomy of Fuck-up-ed-ness for 10, yes, 10 years. and. Two, ONE MORE SLEEP. Jesus.
Outcome remains to be seen. But I.am.not.happy.
I did, however, offer to go live in Houston for a while (ie: through the winter) to rebuild the office. For a raise. A big one. In US dollars.
lyric at post:
..let's take a spin through this godalmighty din
to a place where we can be discreet..
picture of health
The cat seems to be over his cold. I know this because he is no longer blowing snot all over my face at 1 am, 3 am and 6 am but has resumed the seriously annoying and hyperkinetic chasing of his own tail around the bed at odd hours of the night.I'd forgotten how much I hate that. I think I'd prefer him sick.
one
more
sleep
lyric at post:
..we spotted the ocean
at the head of the trail
where are we going
so far away..
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
I'm having one of those days
Me:"Hi, could I talk to Steve in your computer department?""We don't have a Steve."
"Hmm, I talked to someone there a minute ago, it must be someone who's name starts with -s-. Give me whoever that is."
Next...
Me: "Chris, remember how the last thing I said before I went on vacation was for you to email these VERY IMPORTANT CONTRACT DOCUMENTS to this EXTREMELY IMPORTANT CLIENT?"
"No, I don't remember that.
And....
Me: "Hi, new temp receptionist, if someone calls for T or Jen can you put them through to Jen3, please?"
side note: not only do we have two T's but when I started here, there were *5* Jen's in an office of thirty. Now, there's only three.)
(overheard not FOUR minutes later)
"T or Jen? I see. Which Jen would it be that you were looking for?"
*sigh*
I don't get angry anymore folks, but I am experiencing an incredible amount of hysterical frustration.
SO
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'."
Not only do the instructions *the object of the game is to keep him walking, without falling over, by using your mouse from left to right.* do me absolutely no good as I have been unable to correlate my mouse movements to what he is doing, but since the site is in an unintelligble language, this has done absolutely nothing to allieviate my frustration but I thought one of you more smarter people may be able to figure it out. I made it 9 metres before I went to get a beer. The record is 96 metres.
The Drunk Game.
lyric at post:
..round and round my head she goes
in the good dreams though she wears no clothes..
how to make me lose all respect for you as a human being
Try to make me understand why, exactly, you would never talk to, let alone date anyone without first knowing what their salary is.Because there is a line below which it and they are unacceptable and not worth the waste of your precious time.
Regardless of what they actually do.
twooooooooo
lyric at post:
..my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god..
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
things I do not understand about cats
Of course, there's a million of these but right now I'm thinking about one in particular. Do they like fried eggs? Normally? Cause I am, of course, eating a fried egg sandwich (it's a phase - I eat in phases) and yes, I know it is 10:30 at night but I did not leave work until 8:30.ANYWAYS, the cat has a cold. A nasty *sneeze*-right-inyourface-please-get-up-at-5:30inthemorning *sneeze/snot* cold to keep me company *sneeze/sploosh* cause I'm miserable, and you *sneeze/splatter* should be too kind of cold. Which he seems to get a lot. And it's gross cause he'll sit there and mouth-breathe for a while and then blow out all those lovely germs in the midst of all that gunk and I totally want to grab a kleenex and say "blow". So, I'm eating, in the kitchen so it doesn't feel like I'm eating dinner at 10:30 at night (it's more like a snack if you eat it standing up in the kitchen and don't use a plate) and he's trying to crawl up my leg.
Unless someone can back up the 'cats like fried eggs' question (and no Dr. Seuss please) I'm going to go with the theory that he's only eating because he can't smell it to tell whether it's something edible and he's trying to cover off the "just in case it was something good but I didn't know it" angle.
And now I'm going to do something that may cause dieters everywhere to hunt me down and kill me - go to bed RIGHT AFTER I ATE.
'night!
reliance
Jen-who just got back from business lunch: "I'm hungry."N: "You were born hungry."
Jen: "HA! Guess what I was doing at 11 pm last night."
N: "Uhhhh, eating?"
Jen: "Fried egg sandwiches."
J2: "I hate people like you, eating all the time and thin."
S - voice over the wall: "OH god, has she pulled out that tiny roll of fat for you to see yet?"
I'm getting the feeling that there is no sympathy to be had here. There is a roll, I swear it.
Every morning lately I get up and the first thing I do - after turning on the coffee pot - is go to the computer to check my email. Normally, we all know how absolutely fucking terrible I am about mornings but suddenly, it's become my favorite part of the day.
Every night before bed M's gotten into the habit of sending an email telling me about his day. I've come to rely on it being there when I wake up. It always makes me smile and it's such a nice way to start my day. Better than coffee. And lately, better even than cigarettes.
Today, waking up, I knew there wouldn't be one. I didn't want to get out of bed. Not in that "ohgodkillmeNOW" sort of way, just in a "hmmph, I'm spoiled and I don't want to" kind of way. Even though the reason there was no email is because he's on his way HERE, it was still a bit of a shock and I have this insistent need to pout a little.
It occurs to me that I honestly have no idea how people doing whatever-this-is managed to survive before email and texting. Well, phones obviously but that just seems so .... strange, somehow. We don't talk incessently on the phone. In fact, sometimes I forget he has an accent and then I hear his voice and I think,"Why are you talking all funny?" I suppose we could IM but that seems a little like overkill. We have email and texting and he reads the blog so we know, for the most part, what each other's day has been like.
Our time together is limited but as weird as it seems, most of the time I don't feel like he's very far away at all.
....and right now, getting closer all the time.
threeeeee more sleeeeps
Monday, August 16, 2004
reiteration
Disaster averted. I found my keys. I am however, a little embarrassed to tell you where they are for the simple fact that it was obvious.So I'm not telling.
And even though *I* started the digital picture butt-wars on the weekend, I still stand by this. Mostly because one of the volleys was one of those pictures from Stampede. Which looks a whole lot worse when seen close up and sent in LARGE format. It's quite amazing how many people are willing to send pictures of their butts and pictures of the butts of their unknowing friends willy-nilly about the email highways and byways. Isn't the internet great?
All the sleeping pills managed to accomplish last night were to make me dream about demonic children and leave me with a fuzzy mouth. All day. Which even the three coffees and two jumbo chocolate bars I just ate have not alleviated. I feel an urge to run around the office yelling 'wheeeeeeeeeee' as soon as the sugar hits my bloodstream in order to avoid what I should be doing.
Isn't sugar grand?
Now I am off to write a marketing brochure for our division. Me being the obvious choice of course since I have never done it before, it is not part of my job in the slightest and I am the one who least wants to do it. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
(four more sleeeeeeeeps)
lyric at post:
..do you dream or do you sleep?
do you pick and choose amongst the jewels for one to keep..
Sunday, August 15, 2004
yeah yeah fine.... BUT
No injuries, I'm quite proud to report. And I would tell you all about the games except that I currently have something else that seems a little more... urgent, to figure out.I've lost my house keys.
Now, that can't be all bad can it? Since you went out today? Not so. Since yesterday I've been using my spare set. Which don't include the important keys.
Now, I know absolutely and for a fact that I used them to get in the house on Friday after work since I distinctly remember picking up the spare set from where they hang beside the door yesterday. After being unable to find the 'real' keys and thinking "hmmmm, must be in my knapsack, I'll just use the spare". Ergo, I could not have used the spare set to get into the house. But since I have been IN it all weekend, then therefore I used the 'real' keys to get in.
But they are not. In my knapsack. Nor are they in any of the three or four places I always put them.
It's not a big condo. I lose things in it all the time and that is one of the enduring mysteries of my life. Even though I'm not one of those people who put things in widely disparate places for no reason at all, like say, the top of the microwave or in the washing machine.
But, house keys? The only two solutions I can come up with are: I left them in the door (seriously highly unlikely) and someone's taken them, which then leads inevitably to me coming home tomorrow to an empty abode; or I somehow dropped them into a garbage bag whilst cleaning on Saturday and have thrown them out.
I am not going down to the dumpster.
It seems quite obvious to me that this sleep-deprivation thing has gone on far too long for not only did it cause me to be grumpy and a little bit shitty yesterday but I seem to now be operating in a completely different reality where keys just up and walk away.
I think I may just drug myself and go to bed. Maybe the keys'll just wander back in sometime in the night.
Yeah, right.
please mom, just five more minutes
Alas, there is no mom to come back in five. My funny (strange not haha) little Elmer the Fudd father is not around to come in and grab my big toe. For, the dreams I dreamt last night have left me feeling unaccountably ten again.Maybe it's the baseball. Or maybe it's just the simple fact that the universe feels skewed somehow when one must be up at 9 am on a Sunday morning for the purpose of exercise. And the great likelihood of pain, bruises and/or broken off pieces of a brittle crackly excuse for a human being.
On that note, I am going to chug back another cup of coffee and rearrange my face into something resembling cheerful enthusiasm until the rest of Jen catches up. She's still sleeping. The bitch.
(on a happytail-waggingwholebumgettingintotheact kind of way that has brought us to five more sleeps)
lyric at post:
..stay in the light
keep your target in sight..
