note to self #5
I've come to the tentative conclusion that you never really get rid of your tired old patterns, no matter who you become or how much you change. As you get older in this life, you simply begin to recognize them as they crop up, which is maybe the best one can hope for. Some you value, as I do my inability to fit into the group. Some of the more troubling and obnoxious patterns, like my sneaking suspicion that anyone I became involved with would leave or die, you just learn to ignore most of the time.It's much like winter here. During the warmer lazy times you could spend some time filling in the potholes until they looked just like the rest of the road, but the crack in the asphalt was still there, underneath. Ready and waiting to heave open again in the next hard freeze.
Nov 25/2003